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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Thursday, 1 October 2026

Army

Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army

Pentagon says clogged fixture brings “continuity, stability and ability to swallow enormous amounts of shit”

Space Force’s new uniform puts a little goose back in the step

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

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Vol. 15 · No. 117

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Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Deployed worldwide

Thursday

1 October 2026

0554 Zulu

Next edition Friday

← Front page
Air & Space · Page 6

Air Force robot dog sad it never had balls to lick

Filed · 1550

NELLIS AFB, Nevada — The initial fielding of Air Force tactical robot dogs revealed a potentially critical glitch: The dogs are depressed by their unfulfillable need to lick their non-existent gonads.

On a recent exercise, robot dogs impressed observers with their capabilities to maneuver and provide information to human handlers, all without constantly stopping to sniff and urinate.

But Staff Sgt. Jessie Browning, a robot dog wrangler with the 622d Contingency Response Wing, noticed odd behavior in his programmed pooch “RobotSpot.”

“We finished a game called ‘IED fetch,’ and RoboSpot flopped onto his haunches, lifted a hind leg, and tried twisting his torso down towards his crotch,” Browning said. “There was real sadness in his big, glassy robot eye sensors when he realized he had no balls to lick.”

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