ARLINGTON, VA — The Department of the Army announced Wednesday they are determined to eliminate all operational memory from more than a decade of fighting the Global War on Terror.

Secretary of the Army John McHugh made it clear that these kind of cuts were necessary in the post-Afghanistan Army, despite having troops deployed in the field. "The Army has acquired a lot of useless knowledge that we're currently in the process of purging from our data banks in the Pentagon," McHugh said.

Cuts to personnel have been the Army's greatest reduction of all, as mid-level officers and NCOs alike have fled the Army's bureaucracy in droves.

"Personnel cuts and a hiring freeze are set to take effect. It's a good start." said Assistant Secretary of the Army Thomas Lamont. "We have to go further however, and branches like the Army have to realize they've had it easy with learning invaluable lessons in counter-terrorism and counterinsurgency."