LOS ANGELES, CA — During his first public speech in months, a visibly haggard and unkempt David Petraeus apologized for an extramarital affair just prior to asking a crowd of 600
CAMP STONE, AFGHANISTAN — American soldiers are engaged in a massive search for a hot new Italian chick after she was first spotted in the Camp Stone Chow Tent line late
TWENTYNINE PALMS, CA – The 1st Marine Tank Battalion threw a party to celebrate Lance Corporal Matt Blake’s marriage reaching an unprecedented six months. “This is an inspiring story of
WASHINGTON, DC – In a press release Wednesday morning, Chief of Naval Operations Jonathan Greenert announced that the United States Navy will change its standard operating language from English to Tagalog
FORT SAM HOUSTON, TX – With the drawdown in Afghanistan approaching, the Army is experiencing an unexpected surge in soldiers being declared medically ineligible for redeployment to garrison, the Army Medical
OSLO, NORWAY — The General Atomics MQ-1 Predator unmanned drone was nominated Monday for the 2013 Nobel Peace Prize for its unrelenting pursuit of peace and tranquility in under-governed spaces around
EL PASO, TX – A young infantryman may be a candidate for the latest edition of the Guinness Book of World Records after he spent nearly three months in the front
PESHAWAR, PAKISTAN — Officials from The Haqqani Network claim that the terror network is struggling to use up its explosives quota amid lingering buget cuts. Known for its sophisticated terrorist operations
Sources on board your ship have reported in advance of morning quarters that you’ve got medical today. While details are still sketchy, your Leading Petty Officer (LPO) has confirmed
QUANTICO, VA — Marine Corps officials confirmed Monday they were having a difficult time keeping up with the thousands of females applying to the Infantry Officer Course, with some speculating on
CHARLOTTE, NC — The opening of North Carolina's first Green Beans Coffee is to blame for one woman's debilitating anxiety attacks and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder-related flashbacks, claim
DENVER, CO — The Phony Veterans of Foreign Wars, the nation's leading military fakers' organization — representing fake members from all service branches — has gone on the offensive in
PYONGYANG, DPRK — As North Korea inches closer to the nuclear brink, one woman has stepped forward with a stunningly selfless offer that might be the world’s last best hope
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel was awarded fifteen days restriction for taking the Pentagon’s duty van on an unauthorized late night beer run, according to officials. “We
WOOSTA, MA — Private First Class John “Sully” Sullivan surprised family and fellow Guardsmen alike yesterday, when he reported that he had legally changed his name to “Boston Strong,” after learning
GRAFENWÖHR, GERMANY – During a training deployment to the Grafenwöhr Training Area, a U.S. Army unit mistakenly invaded Germany, effectively re-igniting World War II, according to a spokesman for 7th
USS JOHN C. STENNIS – Navy investigators on supercarrier USS John C. Stennis (CVN-74) have no leads after a string of three gruesome murders onboard the ship, officials report. The first
Sailors attend the new 'A Monster a day keeps the Scurvy away' briefing. KINGS BAY, GA — A sailor on shore duty has contracted scurvy, military health officials said
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Forget about getting busted for cocaine, weed, or ecstasy — the Department of Defense can now tell if you don't give a fuck. DoD announced plans
ARLINGTON, VA — The Department of the Army announced Wednesday they are determined to eliminate all operational memory from more than a decade of fighting the Global War on Terror. Secretary
WASHINGTON, DC – The Navy this week began subjecting randomly-selected Sailors to non-judicial punishment proceedings based on crimes they will likely commit in the future. Dubbed “NJP 365”, the new program
FORT LEE, VA – The deputy commander of the Army’s Public Affairs Office is seeking assistance from leaders of major Army commands in reducing instances of “photobombing,” which renders combat
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A congressional investigation concluded this week, revealing a decades-long conspiracy by the United States Air Force to recruit and retain better-looking women than other branches of the
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