WASHINGTON, DC – The Navy this week began subjecting randomly-selected Sailors to non-judicial punishment proceedings based on crimes they will likely commit in the future.

Dubbed “NJP 365”, the new program is being tested at a handful of stateside sea and shore commands, and is the newest addendum to the sea service’s 21st Century Sailor and Marine Initiative — a multi-pronged effort to reinforce healthy and positive lifestyles for service members both on duty and off.

“We’re trying to nip things in the bud before they blossom out of control,” said Secretary of the Navy Ray Mabus, during a recent conference call with reporters. “The goal here is to identify those few Sailors who might be feeling a little anxiety now about any of the bad stuff they plan on doing in the future—anything from getting a speeding ticket, to gundecking a maintenance log, to beating their wives during a spice-induced blackout—and then to take preventative action by imposing discipline before they misstep.”

Similar to the Navy’s long-standing drug urinalysis policy and its more recent alcohol detection program, NJP 365 selects test subjects at random and begins its proceedings as soon as those Sailors come to work.