FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Specialist Ted Ortega, a grenadier in your platoon's third squad, is already tired of answering questions about Cinco de Mayo, sources confirmed moments ago.
Ortega, 22, is a native of Connecticut, but his grandparents immigrated to New York in the 1950s.
"These fucking guys, they don't get that I'm not even from Mexico. They see skin the color of a half-caf skinny latte and a name tape that ends in a vowel and they assume Mexican," Ortega reportedly told your battle buddy about an hour ago. "What really hacks me off about it is I've told them like a thousand times, sure, my dad's side is from Puerto Rico, but my mom's German-Irish. They met at fucking UConn."
