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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 132 · Thursday, 5 November 2026

Pentagon

Pentagon confident U.S. will be ready for 2027 war with China by 2035

Officials cite historically proven American strategy of entering wars completely unprepared

Hegseth wears Eisenhower's globe as Halloween costume

Spirit Halloween store to become pop-up ICE detention center

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Vol. 15 · No. 132 · Deployed worldwide

Thursday

5 November 2026

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· Page 2

Grammar nazi keeps correcting your typos in classified chatroom

Filed · 1532

AFGHANISTAN — Feeling the need to intellectually lord over "those ground-pounders who barely passed their ASVAB," a dickbag Grammar Nazi in the tactical operations center has corrected typos found in your messages sent from outside the wire to a classified mIRC chatroom, sources confirmed today.

"Are you shitting me?" your fire team leader whispered as he read the S-2 section's snarky messages over your shoulder. "Those keyboard warriors are doing this now?"

Spc. Elvis Perlman, an intelligence analyst seated safely behind his computer in a large, air-conditioned tent, was at the time tasked with providing tactical support to your reconnaissance mission. During that time, he decided to call you out for minor lexical errors while you were sending intel updates from a Toughbook in your sweaty, cramped hide-site above a Taliban-held village.

Duffel Blog acquired a transcript of the conversation via FOIA request. The chat-logs are below.

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