NORTH ATLANTIC OCEAN — The US Navy is conducting a search and rescue operation after a Naval Academy Midshipman went missing from the USS Roosevelt (DDG 80) Saturday. Midshipman 1st Class Benjamin Davis disappeared only four days after beginning his summer cruise aboard the destroyer.

Initial evidence strongly suggests that Davis was consumed by the ship's vacuum toilet system.

"After Ben didn't show up for his 1600 wardroom etiquette class, we all got very worried," said Roosevelt's commanding officer, Cdr. Sean Fitzgerald. "After searching his stateroom, we found his cell phone sitting next to the toilet with recent selfies of him '#droppingsomedepthcharges.' I immediately ordered that all the plumbing onboard be secured. Hopefully we acted quickly enough."