By W.E. Linde
SANTA MONICA, Calif — About 99% of you won’t share this picture of the American flag, according to a newly published white paper from researchers with the RAND Corporation. The paper presents a gloomy outlook of American patriotism, and while it does acknowledge there were a few people they “knew would share it,” the researchers ended with an appeal to “flood our timeline with the Stars and Stripes.”
“This is truly a remarkable and discouraging finding,” said Dr. Karen Drifter, the paper’s lead research scientist. “It’s pretty sad that most of you won’t share this picture of the American flag even though it also has an emotionally moving silhouette of a soldier on it. Are there any patriots left out there who support the troops? I know I do!”
The paper’s results were met with indignation by many on social media.
“I’m watching who shares this,” said Sal Jennings, a recently-separated Army veteran as he defiantly shared the photo of Old Glory. “I ain’t ashamed of the flag, are you?” he posted, before forgetting all about it a minute later.
Dr. Chad Phelps, an assistant research fellow and instructor at the Naval War College, appreciated Jennings’ effort but remained pessimistic that he’d see all of you share the Red, White, and Blue.
“We live in a “woke” period,” said Phelps, “where a pampered NFL player can be paid millions while a soldier defending their rights is paid pennies. It should be reversed.”
“Who’s with me?” he added.
The RAND paper comes on top of two other recent think tank pieces that call into question the state of American pride. Last month the Federation of American Scientists published a study that indicated most people would be too ashamed to not only like and share a picture of a flag-draped cross but also to give an “amen” in response.
FAS researchers said their findings remained consistent even though it was emphasized that one “like” equals one prayer. And the Center for Strategic and International Studies found that while pictures of scantily clad women regularly garnered “thousands of likes”, they were betting that hardly anyone would share a picture of an elderly World War II veteran.
W.E. Linde (aka Major Crunch) writes a lot. Former military intelligence officer, amateur historian, blogger/writer at DamperThree.com. Strives to be a satirist, but probably just sarcastic. Twitter @welinde.