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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 116 · Monday, 28 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 116 · Deployed worldwide

Monday

28 September 2026

1149 Zulu

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· Page 2

Pentagon leaders really struggling with performance review bullets this year

We are going to have to put some thought into this one.

Filed · 0928

THE PENTAGON — According to multiple sources, most general and flag officers at the Pentagon are having a really, really hard time coming up with strong bullets for accomplishments on their performance review for the past year.

“It’s so painful,” said Timothy Dobbs, a civilian administrative assistant who helps compile the officer evaluation reports. “Like everyone else, the admirals and generals waited until the last minute to work on their annual performance reviews. When they finally started, they realized there wasn’t a lot for them to take credit for over the past 12 months.”

“It’s really tough,” admitted Army Chief of Staff Gen. James C. McConville. “The most high-profile thing to happen this year was the withdrawal from Afghanistan, and who wants that on their list of accomplishments? There may be a way to polish that turd, but it’s rough going right now.”

With Afghanistan operations over and the Biden Administration declaration that combat operations by U.S. forces in Iraq have officially ended, there’s a real panic that senior leaders don’t have any “meat” to put into their performance reviews.

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