New Russian Army fitness test to include ‘drop, scream, & run’
Also considering adding the empty fuel can carry
MOSCOW — The Russian Army plans to modify its fitness test to include the drop, scream, and run event, sources confirmed today.
The test is said to reflect the type of actions Russian soldiers face during the War Special Military Operation in Ukraine.
The test features soldiers dropping a simulated AK-12 (Mossin-Nagants and pointy sticks will be used for "volunteers"), screaming at a decibel loud enough to warn others, and then a sprint in the direction of Moscow.
The test was developed to give new Russian soldiers a realistic sense of the combat and elite infantry maneuvers they are likely to see in Ukraine.
"We learned that many soldiers were not prepared for the type of action we are seeing," said Kremlin spokesman and 80's Bond villain Spasat'sya Begstvom. “We found many of our soldiers were collapsing, soiling themselves, and crying instead of making a proper reverse attack."
Despite their best effort, the Russian Super Duper Special Military Operation™ has not gone as planned. Report…
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