SECDEF exaggerating symptoms to keep staying at home

Danke schoen, darling, danke schoen.

By Bad Lawyer

Since the Pentagon announced that Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin tested positive for Covid-19 earlier this week, multiple sources have confirmed he may be exaggerating his symptoms to stay home and have the most epic of weeks off.

Austin made his initial announcement with a grave tone in his voice, clearly faking his coughs. “It’s true, I…