WASHINGTON — Senior officials from the Departments of State and Defense, speaking simultaneously but separately, and without any awareness whatsoever of what the other was doing, today assured the world that the future evacuation of any US citizens remaining in the Gaza Strip would go “at least as well as it did in Afghanistan”.

“We’re pretty sure there’s a thorough, pressure-tested mission analysis ready to go over at the Pentagon, we stand ready to support as they require,” State officials said. At the same time, across the Potomac River and but one phone call or email away, Pentagon officials confirmed, “State has this and they’ve thought through everything; we’ll follow their lead.”

Asked about the level of risk to servicemembers should they have to secure citizens in a chaotic combat zone, Defense leaders assured the public that “there’s a Foreign Service guy on top of this,” while State officials responded to questions on how many citizens would likely need to be evacuated saying, “We think the Joint Staff J2 has that figure.”