Army to give politicians adequate time to exploit fallen soldiers during casualty notification process
1 min read
paid
Page 137 of 175
General hopes #MeToo post scores points with hot lieutenant near his office
FORT BRAGG, N.C. — After millions flocked to social media to spread awareness of sexual harassment and assault with the hashtag #MeToo, Gen. Jacob Sandberg of the 82nd Airborne saw
1 min read
paid
US cripples ISIS with savage airdrop of PowerPoint presentations
RAQQA, Syria — The reign of ISIS will soon be at an end, thanks to the latest overwhelming and decisive tactic employed by the US military: An airdrop of hundreds of
1 min read
paid
DUFFEL BLOG PRESENTS: Vanilla ice gives your weekend safety brief
Yo, OIC! Let's kick it Think twice, twice, baby Think twice, twice, baby Alright stop! Assimilate and listen
1 min read
paid
Army to rename slave cables to freedom cables
FORT BRAGG, N.C. — The US Army will rename the cables used for most wheeled and tracked vehicle platforms to jumpstart dead batteries from slave cables to freedom cables, sources
1 min read
paid
Meet the Taliban commander moonlighting as a member of the Afghan parliament
KABUL — Abdul Hazizi is not just your average, run of the mill Taliban commander. He's also a patriotic publicly-elected Afghan official. And while it's not so
2 min read
paid
Marine off duty has no friends
CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — Marine Cpl. Tony Bergman has no friends, even while he is not on duty, Duffel Blog has learned. The 24-year-old infantry mortarman has been spotted alone
1 min read
paid
Trump designates DragonForce greatest hits album as new national security strategy
WASHINGTON — After months of deliberation, President Donald Trump has released his update to the National Security Strategy in the form of power metal band DragonForce's Greatest Hits album.
1 min read
paid
Jacksonville tattoo parlor celebrates 1000th backwards EGA
JACKSONVILLE, N.C. — Streamers fell from the ceiling and a magnum of Pabst Blue Ribbon was popped as Blind Bomber Tattooing celebrated their 1000th backwards Eagle, Globe and Anchor being
1 min read
paid
15,000 troops perish after Ohio woman fails to share Facebook prayer
WASHINGTON — The US military suffered the single worst day loss since the Battle of Antietam yesterday, after a woman scanning Facebook over her morning latte ignored a prayer chain for
1 min read
paid
Mattis vows to kill next person who calls him 'Mad Dog'
THE PENTAGON — Defense Secretary Jim Mattis has vowed to kill the next person who refers to him by the nickname of "Mad Dog," sources confirmed today. After the
1 min read
paid
Soldier with 33 ASVAB apparently smart enough to be a suicide-watch battle buddy
SOUTH KOREA — Just seconds after bellowing "I need a body here," Army 1st Sgt. Donald Goodson decided that 17-year-old Pvt. Jarvis Lewis was the perfect choice to escort
1 min read
paid
New MRE literally just bag of shit
The highly anticipated new Meals-Ready-to-Eat flavor will be a literal bag of human shit, the Defense Logistics Agency confirmed today. While in the past the Department of Defense has poured
1 min read
paid
Deployed soldier suspicious after receiving ‘surviving an affair’ book in mail
KABUL, Afghanistan — A soldier three months into a nine-month deployment to Afghanistan just received his first care package from his wife in Georgia, although it contained what some in his
1 min read
paid
Salad bar at base dining facility now only consists of single hard-boiled egg
FAIRFIELD, Calif. — Sources at the Travis Air Force Base dining facility say the salad bar now consists of only one chopped hard-boiled egg, sources confirmed today. “There was a couple
1 min read
paid
Marine calls Coast Guard to save him from drowning in debt
NORFOLK, Va. — A US Marine currently drowning in a sea of debt is calling the US Coast Guard to ask if they can throw him a life ring, sources confirmed
1 min read
paid
Top military officers confused by Harvey Weinstein suffering consequences amid harassment allegations
ARLINGTON, Va. — A number of former top military officers across the nation are expressing outrage and confusion after Hollywood executive Harvey Weinstein suffered consequences in the wake of an ongoing
1 min read
paid
The 5 best porn videos we found on Bin Laden's hard drive and later masturbated to
The CIA just released a huge cache of previously-secret documents seized at Osama bin Laden’s compound in Abottabad, Pakistan. With thousands of documents to sift through, there’s certainly
2 min read
paid
Sergeant Major invites Taylor Swift to Marine Corps Birthday Ball
SAN DIEGO — Following in the footsteps of numerous junior Marines, Sgt. Maj. Tom Randall recently posted a YouTube video asking singer Taylor Swift to the Marine Corps ball, sources confirmed
1 min read
paid
Puerto Rico reaches out to Taliban for tips on getting US aid
SAN JUAN, Puerto Rico — Weeks after the island of Puerto Rico was devastated by Hurricane Maria, huge swaths of the territory are still without power, running water, or transportation. But
2 min read
paid
Top US Commander in Afghanistan keeps getting beaten by 'xxTAliBan_br0_69' in call of duty
BAGRAM AIRFIELD — The commander of US Forces Afghanistan has been unable to beat a fellow gamer named 'xxTAliBan_br0_69' in the video game series Call of Duty
1 min read
paid
Woman with sheepdog allergies in critical condition following night with SEAL
CORONADO, Calif. — Sharp Coronado Hospital has confirmed a woman remains in critical condition following an evening with a local Navy SEAL over the weekend. After meeting at McP's
1 min read
paid
Meet the angry Internet veteran putting the finishing touches on an 'epic' Veterans Day rant
YOUR HOMETOWN — Local Angry Internet Veterans are brainstorming, outlining, writing, and practicing their Angry Veterans Day Rants at this very moment at a place very close to you, Duffel Blog
2 min read
paid
Veteran stuns military community with viral rant filmed OUTSIDE of truck
MILWAUKEE, W.I. — Army veteran and popular military vlogger Jimmy Lunk stunned followers on Wednesday when he released a viral rant filmed outside of his truck, sources confirmed today. Roughly
1 min read
paid
New Semper Gumby fitness program stretches limits of Marine Corps PT
QUANTICO, Va. — The Marine Corps plans to introduce a new fitness program, although some detractors say it could stretch the limits of traditional physical training. "This will prepare these
1 min read
paid
