KOBANE, Syria — The leadership of the Syrian Democratic Council has demanded the United States at least buy the Kurdish people of northeast Syria dinner before fucking them so hard. The
FORT NATHAN BEDFORD FORREST, Moon – Space Force Planners announced the first space force base would be named after a confederate general for “reasons,” a Pentagon press release announced Monday. “In
LOS GATOS, Calif. — Producers of the popular Netflix series Stranger Things surprised have revealed that they filmed most of the show’s third season at Fort Bragg, North Carolina, as
SAN DIEGO, Calif. — Sources at the Navy Lodge on North Island have reported multiple sightings of terrifying apparitions and demonic sounds coming from Room 453. However with a beautiful balcony
CAMP LEMONNIER, Djibouti — Gen. Stephen Townsend visited the continent whose US forces he commands for the annual blessing of the rains down in AFRICOM. “The US Army has a long
QUANTICO, Va. — After severely mishandling of extremely sensitive physical matter, 9-month-old Tyler Stevenson will be tried before a court martial convened by the Marine Corps' top brass. Stevenson, also
WASHINGTON — The Pentagon has unveiled a new drone, the EO-9 Justice Warrior. The platform comes equipped with a suite of advanced optics that renders it unable to distinguish between combatants
Salaam Alaikum, Brothers, I see you've completed the training facility just in time for the latest group of shahid to arrive. Let's see: bayonet course ... check.
YORKTOWN, Va.— In an amazing display of brilliance, a leadership training course held at the Coast Guard Yorktown Training Base on Monday went over time when one super smart and
FORT IRWIN, California — Army Master Sgt. Matthew Lowe made history today after clearing his name in a landmark discrimination case with an unlikely defense—he hates everyone equally. "Am
FORT BRAGG. N.C. — Army Chief of Staff Gen. James McConville has officially forbidden soldiers 18- to 20-years old from getting married while in the Army. The decision results from
NORFOLK, Va. — A Navy contractor was promoted from wearing a dirty t-shirt and jeans to polo and khakis, sources report. “I'm allowed to shop at the store that
CAPE MAY, N.J. — The Coast Guard’s newly adopted weight standards will allow members to be just fat enough to make people from other services jealous and wish they
KILLEEN, Texas — Pfc. Brayden Taylor made military history when she became one of the first female recruits to pass Infantry training and earn the coveted blue cord. This week, the
CHERRY POINT, N.C. — Catastrophe has consumed Marine Corps Air Station Cherry Point after a Marine died of crayon consumption, what sources call "one of the top three worst
WASHINGTON — The Pentagon sent the Kurds an ambiguous message at 02:14 this morning, according to a source embedded in northern Syria. The text message, "U up?" is
SYRIA — After being denied care for serious mental health issues at his local ISIS VA hospital, ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi walked out to the parking lot and detonated an
IDLIB, Syria – The remaining Islamic State senior leaders are looking inward to address reports of toxic organizational culture following news that their leader, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, killed himself this weekend.
We’ve all heard the saying “Trust a Marine with your life, not your wife.” Those words ring truest on November 10, when Marines gather to celebrate their branch’s
ATLANTA, Ga. — Delta Airlines, the world’s second largest carrier, announced today that it would offer a promotion called “Thank You, Heroes” aimed at active duty personnel, military veterans, and
AL JANNAH (Heaven) — Earlier this week, former ISIS head Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi announced that he has obtained more virgins in the afterlife than fellow afterlifer Jeffery Epstein. The announcement came
FORT BRAGG, N.C. — The Trump administration announced this week Conan, the hero canine of the US raid that killed ISIS leader and austere religious scholar Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, would
WASHINGTON — In a shocking new report, the VA has released military suicide figures for active duty, reserves, and veterans while subtly mentioning that in no way did Jeffrey Epstein hang
KABUL – Blackwater, now known as Academi, will shock you and your and terrorists alike with their kick-in two doors, get one door kicked-in free “doorbuster deal” available now through the
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