PYONGYANG, DPRK — As North Korea inches closer to the nuclear brink, one woman has stepped forward with a stunningly selfless offer that might be the world’s last best hope
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel was awarded fifteen days restriction for taking the Pentagon’s duty van on an unauthorized late night beer run, according to officials. “We
WOOSTA, MA — Private First Class John “Sully” Sullivan surprised family and fellow Guardsmen alike yesterday, when he reported that he had legally changed his name to “Boston Strong,” after learning
GRAFENWÖHR, GERMANY – During a training deployment to the Grafenwöhr Training Area, a U.S. Army unit mistakenly invaded Germany, effectively re-igniting World War II, according to a spokesman for 7th
USS JOHN C. STENNIS – Navy investigators on supercarrier USS John C. Stennis (CVN-74) have no leads after a string of three gruesome murders onboard the ship, officials report. The first
Sailors attend the new 'A Monster a day keeps the Scurvy away' briefing. KINGS BAY, GA — A sailor on shore duty has contracted scurvy, military health officials said
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Forget about getting busted for cocaine, weed, or ecstasy — the Department of Defense can now tell if you don't give a fuck. DoD announced plans
ARLINGTON, VA — The Department of the Army announced Wednesday they are determined to eliminate all operational memory from more than a decade of fighting the Global War on Terror. Secretary
WASHINGTON, DC – The Navy this week began subjecting randomly-selected Sailors to non-judicial punishment proceedings based on crimes they will likely commit in the future. Dubbed “NJP 365”, the new program
FORT LEE, VA – The deputy commander of the Army’s Public Affairs Office is seeking assistance from leaders of major Army commands in reducing instances of “photobombing,” which renders combat
WASHINGTON, D.C. — A congressional investigation concluded this week, revealing a decades-long conspiracy by the United States Air Force to recruit and retain better-looking women than other branches of the
KANDAHAR, AFGHANISTAN — Pentagon sources were proud to announce the success of a new, yearly event which allowed Fobbits — service-members who spend their entire tour on Forward Operating Base — the opportunity
NEW YORK, NY — The UN Security Council has approved the creation of a new special operations unit to conduct "actual military operations, including offensives" against armed groups in
CAMP PENDLETON, CA - In a bold move designed to bring professionalism to new heights, the Marine Corps is introducing a new uniform regulation, tentatively dubbed, "Service Utilities."
MINNEAPOLIS, MN – Officials from the Minnesota Department of Motor Vehicles have confirmed approval of a new policy making it mandatory for all active-duty and military veterans to register their status
CORONADO, CA — U.S. Navy pilot Lt. Nick Reynolds will soon be awarded the Navy Achievement Medal (NAM), after successfully firing a missile on a friendly F-18 fighter jet during
KILLEEN, TX — The Army's 1st Cavalry Division has been under fire in recent years, with soldiers claiming their obsession with obsolete uniform items — Stetson cowboy hats and spurs
JALALABAD, AFGHANISTAN – Service members at Jalalabad Airfield are on high-alert this week following a string of safety violations perpetrated by a maniacal villain known as the J-bad Joker. “It all
The following is an opinion piece written by Jason Sievers, a veteran of Iraq and Afghanistan now living in his parent's basement. Hey, did you hear the news?
SAN FRANCISCO, CA — A Congresswoman has filed a formal complaint against the United States military after being featured in an unauthorized "Make Her Famous" campaign. Representative Jackie Speier
LACKLAND AFB, TX — In an attempt to cut down on sexual assault in its ranks, the Air Force has ordered its recruiters to stop driving their familiar yellow "Pussy
The following is an opinion piece by Sergeant Major of the Army Raymond F. Chandler III. You know what soldiers? I'm sick and tired of this crap. You
KABUL, AFGHANISTAN – Darkness has fallen on Afghanistan’s largest Coalition base, as news has spread that the Bagram Batman is dead. The caped crusader — who shot to fame for providing
CAMP LEJEUNE, NC - "We're entering the summer months, and you know what that means: nice weather, beach parties, cooking out. And a more than 40% increase
WASHINGTON — A controversial new memorial was unveiled in the nation's capitol Monday, after Congress reallocated $2 billion in funding from veterans benefits and post-traumatic stress counseling to approve
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