DAMASCUS, SYRIA — President Obama urged calm Tuesday and insisted all was well in response to disruption of the annual Homecoming Parade by Syrian leader Bashar Al Assad and his unruly
WASHINGTON, DC – With the books closing on fiscal year 2013, Pentagon sources confirmed that Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel blew the remainder of the defense budget over the weekend on hundreds
YAKIMA TRAINING CENTER, WA – Tensions are high between the United States and Japan after the closing ceremony of Rising Thunder 13 was ruined by a disgruntled Navy veteran of World
The following is an opinion piece written by Gen. James Amos, Commandant of the Marine Corps. Marines: One way or another, Amos is going to get you "back to
AIR FORCE ACADEMY, CO – “Oh-em-gee, I cannot wait to choke a bitch!” Cadet Lori Snow squealed as she clutched a copy of the new video game release Grand Theft Auto
HANOI, VIETNAM – Former Vietnamese general and perennial Democratic presidential candidate Vo Nguyen Giap died this morning at his home in Hanoi. He was 102. In Washington, flags were ordered to
WASHINGTON, DC — The White House revealed a major diplomatic breakthrough with Iran today, after the President of Iran prank-called the Oval Office and asked for Barack Osama before giggling like
WASHINGTON, DC — A group of elderly veterans have stormed past the barricades of the World War II memorial and have taken a number of park rangers as Prisoners of War,
The following is an exclusive interview with Seaman Jeff Winters, bestselling author of The Only Easy Day Was the Day After BUD/S. I met Winters, who has been incessantly
FOXBORO, MA — In a stunning decision over the weekend, 1st Lt. Tom Tebow was cut from the Unit Manning Roster of the 109th Air Defense Artillery during pre-deployment exercises. The
WRIGHT-PATTERSON AFB — A U.S. Air Force report has identified more than one reserved parking space for general officers is likely too many. The new study found the odds of
The following is an informational piece written by a prominent JAG lawyer who wishes to remain anonymous. Alright, listen up dickheads. I'm going to drop a bomb of
The following is an opinion piece written by the Stern Plate of the USS Enterprise (CV-6), submitted from River Vale, N.J. I was reading a piss-soaked newspaper some homeless
WASHINGTON, DC — Faced with looming budget cuts that could cost three aircraft carriers as well as a host of other ships, the U.S. Navy has been courting corporate sponsorships
WASHINGTON DC - Despite heavy violence in the Middle East and budget shortfalls at home, the Pentagon announced today that it is pressing forward with a new plan to stand
You can find this fine establishment at ████████████ and it's open ████████████. ███████, VA – A Virginia restaurant has won plaudits by critics for its incredibly realistic depiction of a modern intelligence
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Despite the ongoing shutdown and yesterday's shooting near Capitol Hill, the U.S. government has apparently still found time to send out an internal e-mail
WEST POINT, NY — While many are feeling the negative effects of the government shutdown, leaders and students at the U.S. Military Academy at West Point are hoping it continues
DALLAS, TX — Citing the government shutdown, the U.S. military has been forced to end its 39-year deployment of black helicopters tasked with monitoring controversial radio host Alex Jones, sources
The following is an opinion piece written by a U.S. Navy Band Clarinet. Is it me, or is this whole “sequestration” deal complete bullshit? Like, this is serious. Base
YELLOWSTONE NATIONAL PARK, WY — National Park Service rangers worked in conjunction with the Army Corps of Engineers today to cap off one of the nations beloved landmarks, "Old Faithful,
ANNAPOLIS, MD – The Naval Academy stopped paying its civilian instructors on Tuesday as a result of the government shutdown, and told students and military staff members to “just figure it
SOMALIA — Sources confirmed that members of the elite U.S. Navy SEAL Team 6 captured a member of the Al Shabaab terror group just weeks after they pulled off a
OSLO, NORWAY – Syrian President and all-around great guy Bashar al-Assad will receive the 2013 Nobel Peace Prize, announced Nobel Committee Chairman Thorbjørn Jagland in a press conference today. “Amidst so
THE PENTAGON — A Sergeant Major was found unconscious in a Washington brothel Sunday morning, after an all-night marathon session of sex with multiple prostitutes, fueled by large amounts of Viagra
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