Ah, battleships: is there anything more majestic than a set of sixteen-inch guns rising up in the air, ready to ejaculate a set of armor-piercing shells deep into whatever target
DENVER, Colo. — In holding with the rest of your dogshit life, the tractor and trailer carrying your household goods unceremoniously and unsurprisingly careened off a cliff and exploded in a
CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — Despite being pronounced dead after a rocket-propelled grenade attack last September in Helmand province, Marine Sgt. Robert McWilliams insists he is fine and able to train
The following address was delivered by Capt. Vince Williams at his Headquarters Company change of command ceremony. Good morning everyone. I won’t start with our battalion motto because the
FORT HOOD, Texas — Leaders at the Fort Hood military base in Texas are hailing the 50 percent improvement to their Yelp page that has brought their rating up to 1½
THE PENTAGON — Sgt. Maj. of the Army Ray Chandler announced this week that senior enlisted personnel would be rated on their ability to police online social media activity, in what
WASHINGTON — The Pentagon has extended the definition of service member dependents to include non-family, even the good-for-nothing boyfriend your wife keeps at home while you are on deployment, Duffel Blog
PRIDE LANDS, Africa — General David M. Rodriguez, commander of US Africa Command (AFRICOM), died yesterday afternoon, trampled to death in a freak wildebeest stampede, Duffel Blog has learned. “It’s
KOBANI, Syria — Hector Bazinet, a Belgian citizen and self-described "gaming fanatic" who left home to join the Islamic State of Iraq and the Levant (ISIL) earlier this year
BORNO, Nigeria — According to insider reports obtained by Duffel Blog, leaders for the terrorist group Boko Haram have called an emergency meeting to determine how many more murders, rapes and
Quantico, Va. — Marine Cpl. Willie Dix was relieved of his duties as a combat artist by the National Museum of the Marine Corps last week after he returned from Afghanistan
GLENDALE, Ariz. — Brewers across the country will be pulling out all the stops to “give back” to veterans this weekend, according to NFL sources. Budweiser has announced 6 different, 30-second
FLINT, Mich. — Veterans are threatening violence and murder over a satirical cartoon of American Sniper author Chris Kyle drawn by film director Michael Moore, according to chatter on veteran message
FORT CAMPBELL, Ky. — Col. Robert Root has found overwhelming evidence to support his latest Officer Professional Development brief on the topic of confirmation bias, sources confirmed Tuesday. Root is preparing
FORT DRUM, N.Y. — Capt. Tyler Peters, the commander of Bravo Company, 1-87 Infantry, charged Staff Sgt. John Shuller on Wednesday with being drunk on duty after the soldier arrived
WASHINGTON — Both Marine One pilots waiting on the White House South Lawn wish the President would shut the f--k up and get on the goddamn aircraft so they can power
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSI6-LF_l9A MOSUL, Iraq – Sources confirmed American citizen Rick Phelps was beheaded today in Iraq after footage was disseminated to various media outlets depicting
LA GRANGE, Texas — Beloved Rock and Roll Hall of Fame artist ZZ Top has retained the services of Jimmy, Jojo, Kim, and Keith LLP to seek unspecified damages from the
FORT BENNING, Ga. – An Army base in Georgia was placed on Threat Condition (THREATCON) Delta today, the highest force protection measures in the Department of Defense, after a military serviceman
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Obama failed to acknowledge an American flag prominently displayed on a veteran’s pickup truck on Wednesday, further incensing a majority of Americans not born in
BAGRAM AIRFIELD — Capt. Martin Lewis, an MQ-1 Predator drone pilot in the U.S. Air Force, has raised enough money through the Kickstarter website to bring his military working drone
QUANTICO, Va. — In a misguided attempt to awaken the warrior spirit of the Corps, a seance conducted by senior officers at Henderson Hall went awry when thousands of fallen Marines
NAHA, Okinawa Prefecture — Hailed as yet another landmark consular victory between the United States and Japan, Gov. Hirokazu Nakaima signed legislation today moving Marine Corps Air Station (MCAS) Futenma to
PUNXSUTAWNEY, Pa. – Senior defense and intelligence officials confirmed today that groundhog and famous prognosticator Punxsutawney Phil had predicted another 10 years of armed conflict for the United States, setting the
SAN DIEGO, Calif. – Sports nutrition giant GNC plans to release a new pre-workout smokeless tobacco product some time in 2015, Duffel Blog has learned. The experimental energy/nicotine product, codenamed
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