FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Several shammers have been spotted in their natural environment around post, sources have confirmed.

According to witnesses, junior enlisted soldiers living in the barracks have vanished from unaccompanied housing, only to reappear in smoke-pits, empty parking lots, and behind unused pieces of furniture in vacant rooms scattered throughout the large installation.

“Whenever the words ‘police call’ or 'GI party' are heard floating around, several soldiers disappear stray from the herd without anyone noticing,” says amateur wildlife photographer and Army Cpl. Vince McNally, scratching his head and sweating nervously. “They never taught us this kind of stuff in basic survival."

"I just hope first sergeant doesn't realize they've vanished, or I'm fucked."