Hey, someone has to write the PowerPoint for the war.
The USS Ronald Reagan held the record for simultaneous penis inspections, with 473 sailors participating.
“I was first in line,” said Pfc. Travis Thompson, who camped overnight for the release.
"The very first thing he signed was, ‘Dookie, Sir, West Point, Sir!’”
"There’s no ‘I’ in team" but there are three 'U's in "shut the f--k up"
"I’ve personally fired every female commander I can find, and now one has completed Best Ranger?”
“I just want to do my job, follow orders, and not think about all that foreign policy blah blah blah.”
"Recruiting an entire regiment based only on skin color? What were we thinking?”
"Remember that we are Army Strong, and we are Mmm Mmm Good.”
Black mold is now able to serve openly in the barracks with no special treatment and will be judged fairly against other barracks residents.
“He won’t stop,” said Sgt. Jake Mendoza, rolling his eyes.
"“All the DEI nonsense muddied the waters of where Black merit traditionally lies in the military," a spokesman said.
“So, naturally, we formed a task force to determine whether we had too many task forces."
Corners remain to be turned, contracts to be awarded
"Look me in the eye and tell me God does not 100% revile the infantry."
It is absolutely critical to work fast before all the facts come in.
“You can’t fire me if you can’t find me,” read a note at the bottom of a coffee mug at Marine Corps Base Camp Lejeune.
"Our nation expects only the best from SOF, including their transition to the crazed veteran life."
"Operation Star-Spangled Sustenance" aims to feed hungry soldiers for just $1.23 a day.
"Look, I get it. Balancing the budget is hard," he said, gesturing toward a stack of unopened medical bills.
“These are not the buttholes that defeated the Nazis."
“The Founding Fathers didn’t have Twitter, but if they did, they’d be tweeting exactly what I’m thinking."
As recruit H. Potter was called forward, he was heard muttering, “Not Marines, not Marines."
“Do we really want Pfc. Joe Garlic and his 2.5-yard apes tearing the place up?
"We all hear horror stories about Jody and Dear John letters, but I saw this on a campaign ad. I mean, what the fuck?”
The operational support branch is responsible for self-righteous, performative displays of arbitrary moral superiority across all domains of warfare.
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