THE PENTAGON — The Army announced today it would end its year-long secret research program aimed at better communicating with current and future Generation Z soldiers.

The program, code-named “Hashtag,” included efforts to improve performance, encourage adherence to orders, and promote commitment to the nation. Sources close to the program, however, claimed it failed at all three.

Col. Jeffrey Addison with the Defense Language Institute was tasked to develop a common language the Army could use in with Hashtag, or # as most referred to it. Addison said the research demanded his complete immersion in Generation Z culture.

“OMG, it was cray-cray, for reals,” said Addison. “I was like, ‘You want me to work all day like a dog without anything to show for it? Hashtag AfghanistanAllOverAgain. I don’t think so. YOLO.'”