RICHMOND, VA — America’s leading Islamic organization took to the airwaves today in outrage after a local news station confirmed rumors that the deceased Boston Marathon bomber had accidentally been interred in a Confederate military cemetery.
WCSA Channel 61 broke the story on Monday that Tamerlan Tsarnaev had not been interred in the Al-Barzakh cemetery in Doswell — originally reported by most news outlets last week — but was accidentally buried in the Spotsylvania Confederate Cemetery just down the road.
The reaction by Islamic groups was swift.
“Through what we can only describe as a gross error of judgement, Tamerlan Tsarnaev has been buried among a group of traitors,” Mohamed Magid, president of the Islamic Society of North America, complained to reporters.
“While Mr. Tsarnaev may have done a lot of terrible things in his life, owning slaves was not one of them. And because of this he will now be forced to share the same ground with men who killed hundreds of thousands of Americans. It’s just not right.”
According to WCSA, the mix-up happened when the remains of a recently-discovered Civil War soldier were accidentally switched with Tsarnaev’s. While the Spotsylvania Confederate Cemetery said they had just been notified of the mistake, after lengthy deliberations they were prepared to keep Tsarnaev, based on his description as “a Caucasian male from around Georgia.”
As part of the error, Private Jesse Wilson of the 27 Virginia Volunteer Infantry Regiment is now buried in Tsarnaev’s grave at Al-Barzakh cemetary, oriented southeast towards Mecca.
Though annoyed, his descendants also said they were willing to leave him where he is.
“As long he’s not facing north, we’re fine,” said great-great grandson John Wilson. “Anyways, it’s not like this is the first problem we’ve had shipping people around these parts.”
Reactions by Tsarnaev’s family were equally indignant.
“We don’t see why Tamerlan should have to be buried with these men,” a family spokesman complained. “He did something very stupid, but because of his burial location the Tsarnaev name will now be forever linked with militant treason.”
In a related story, the United Daughters of the Confederacy has put out a press release welcoming Tsarnaev as “another fine outstanding young man who fought the tyranny of the federal government.”
Check out After Action with Max & Paul, an awesome new podcast featuring the creators of Terminal Lance and Duffel Blog.