RAQQA, SYRIA — Despite the aspiring global caliphate’s best efforts to keep its militants disciplined and focused solely on worldwide jihad, the Islamic State admitted today that nearly half of the 71 soldiers it purports to have operating in the U.S. have already blown through their per diem pay, taken on dependent wives, and now find themselves heavily in debt to the tune of more than $50,000, on average.
Complaining via blog post that the group’s jiahids have become “slaves to the excess of infidels,” ISIS claims that upward of 40 commandos spread throughout 15 states have struggled to pay bills due to overspending on everything from high-interest payments on cars, car rims, high-end car stereos and professionally-photographed pictures of their cars, to the cost of supporting new spouses, their spouses’ multiple children by previous husbands, and the legal fees attached to those failed marriages.
One fighter in Virginia is even reported to have spent $4,000 (the equivalent of roughly four month’s pay) in just one night after finding a prostitute on Craigslist who agreed to come to the man’s hotel room dressed as a half-naked underage boy while carrying a copy of the Koran and three gallons of hummus.
