FORT CAMPBELL, Ky. — Local Rifleman and sexual Tyrannosaurus Pvt. Devon Smith, 20, has just received a brand new ‘Infantry’ t-shirt, and is prepared to “throw this thing on and go to fucking pound town," sources confirmed today.

Standing before the mirror above the sink in his barracks room, friends of Smith say he pulled the brand new t-shirt over his 155-pound frame on Friday night and marveled at the disorienting array of slogans, American flag imagery, and tribal designs.

According to barracks sources, the all-black shirt depicts landing craft approaching Omaha Beach during the Invasion of Normandy, with an improbably huge American Bald Eagle swooping above the German defenses, dropping napalm bombs released from its talons. In bold print across the top is a quote: “Either you are with us, or you are with the terrorists. -George W. Bush.”

Immediately beneath the quote are two crossed M-16 series rifles centered on a target with Osama Bin Laden’s face between crosshairs. Two nuclear attack submarines are seen surfacing next to the landing craft and releasing a series of Intercontinental Ballistic Missiles.