OCEANSIDE, Calif. — Marine Sgt. Brent Walls, who enjoys healthy interpersonal relationships, high self-esteem and a Johnson bigger than three family-sized cans of Dinty Moore Stew stacked on top of each other, revealed the key to success during a drunken Snapchat ramble on Saturday, according to several sighing witnesses.

"You have to be in control. You have to let women know where they stand and you'll be a success like me," said Walls on the Snap-story, smoking an American Spirit on the top bunk of his studio apartment bunk bed. "Like these wooks in my Marine Corps. They don't belong with us and I let them know it. They can't hide anywhere on my internet. And those sluts still want this dick."

Marine Corps veteran and bottom bunk inhabitant Shaun Hines, 34, creator of the F'in Wook'in Knifehand'in Tip Of The Spear'in Big Swing'in Americ'in Dick'in Boot Patriot Sheepdogs Thank Me For My Service 34.7 IIIVI We R Watching You Alphas United Facebook page, could be heard echoing his sentiments in the background.