THE PENTAGON — An entire Joint Planning Group (JPG) died from asphyxiation after a planner and a future operations officer sucked all the oxygen out of the room during a half-hour argument over the meaning of the phrase “direct support," sources confirmed today.

“Our first responders were on the scene within ten minutes,” said Fort Myer Fire Department Spokesman Scott Fuller. “But first they had to conduct mission analysis, Course of Action development, and preparation of a Rescue Commander’s Estimate in PowerPoint.”

Sources reported that this took more than two precious hours, and by then, many of the 45 service members in the room were deceased.

“We did find several people still breathing,” said Fuller. “But when we questioned them about the difference between constraints and limitations, their answers were incoherent. What's more, none of them displayed any disruptive thinking capability.”