WASHINGTON — Secretary of Veterans Affairs nominee Rear Adm. Ronny Jackson has vowed to give up drinking sometime next Monday or perhaps Wednesday at the latest, sources confirmed today.

"These are very serious allegations, and look, I've gotta be honest. I don't remember most of these incidents," Jackson told reporters of the 937 allegations of drinking on duty and creating a toxic work environment leveled against him over the past week. "But I'm taking this nomination seriously, which is why I am planning to give up drinking alcohol for good, sometime next week or the week after that."

"I just need to check on my schedule and make sure there are no Secret Service going away parties," he added, before continuing to sip his eighth gin and tonic just to "take the edge off."