WASHINGTON — An innovative new veteran’s non-profit is using private donations and support from several national airlines to reunite veterans with the shady shit they did in the past in their final days, sources confirmed today.
The program, called Dishonor Flight, has now helped more than 200 World War II veterans get back to the bar tabs they walked out on and women they lied to in order to sleep with.
“It was so inspirational,” said Kaycee Spisak, a flight attendant for Southwest Airlines who volunteered during a Dishonor Flight coming in from Duluth, Iowa. “These brave veterans, mostly in wheelchairs, were greeted by literally dozens of bartenders, bookies, pimps and landlords. That kind of passion is really inspiring.”
Dishonor Flight was off to a shaky start after several older veteran service organizations like the U.S.O. and Honor Flight refused to support the cause.
“I’m glad I did it,” said Battle of the Bulge Veteran Edwin Puller. “I heard about that Honor Flight, but it’s not worth missing 60 Minutes to see a duck pond in D.C. a bunch of no-good politicians built. But when Dishonor Flight called and reminded me I never settled up with my landlord at Camp Lewis when I left in ‘42, I got a good chuckle out of that. Good luck outliving me, chumps.”
Puller was shocked and surprised when not only his landlord, but a card shark and phony life insurance salesman were there to greet him, too.
“I wanted my grandchildren to see this. Grandpa went for one wild ride in ’42. After all the issued benzos and PX beer I’d roll into town and get deep into USO bitches. I’m surprised these are the only people I owe money. They must not know about the jazz clubs I snuck into.”
The Dishonor Flight ended with the old veterans and retired creditors kicking back some shots, reliving old times, and pointing out the errors in Band of Brothers.
Dishonor Flight plans to expand in the near future to set up flights to help Vietnam vets meet their middle-aged kids in Saigon and smoke a joint together, according to officials.