MOODY AFB, Ga. - Members of the 75th Fighter Squadron have been behaving intentionally naughty in the hopes that Santa will deliver enough coal to continue fueling their aircraft, Duffel Blog has learned.

"We had to let Lt. Weinstein go last week," Capt. Marshal Lizzani, who flies the A-10, said as he kicked a puppy. "She spent a lot of time doing charity work and volunteering at her synagogue. We just can't have that kind of nice behavior stopping these GAU-8 guns from turning terrorists into a fine mist."

The aging A-10 Warthog, which until this incident was believed to be powered by rapidly flapping its wings, has long been facing a raging battle between efficacy on the battlefield and high-ranking generals who don't understand the principles of close air support. Now, however, it also appears to be fighting against dwindling supplies of coal in the energy marketplace.