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Army

Army celebrates 10 years of porn-free warzones after 100% effective General order 1B

THE PENTAGON—The United States Army commemorated the 10th anniversary of its highly successful General Order Number 1B this Wednesday, a policy which among other things explicitly proscribes American troops from possessing or viewing pornography in places such as Iraq and Afghanistan.

Originally drafted by General John Abizaid in 2006, the completely effective order is little known to the American public. General Order 1B strictly forbids such wartime taboos as entering a Mosque without permission, photographing dead enemies, and consuming alcohol. It also includes a provision forbidding American Soldiers from watching, trading, drawing, or even thinking about pornography.

“This was a huge gamble on the part of the military,” said pornography historian Bill Ruskin. “Never before in the course of human conflict has an armed force in battle been able to stop their soldiers from enjoying even rudimentary depictions of intercourse. Even the Roman legions were doodling boobs and butts on the insides of their shields, to be shared with the entire cohort.”

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