YOUR LOCAL BASE CLINIC — Shocking documents reveal that the little button on the hearing test clicker is actually a direct line to the nipples of America’s greatest enemies. The
TEHRAN, Iran — An Air Force feasibility study has revealed that Iran has no hotels that meet the high standards for housing U.S. Air Force airmen should they be deployed
FORT SILL, Okla. – The Excellent Fires Center of Excellence announced Tuesday “Ok boomer” would be the school’s new motto. “Every time I ask the young specialists to do something,
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. — The 2019 growing season produced a bumper crop of cubicle colonels, U.S. Northern Command announced today. “We’re proud to report that this year’s harvest
WASHINGTON, D.C. – At a surprise press conference in the Rose Garden this morning, White House Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham announced that the United States had annexed Kuwait, which will
BAGHDAD — An Iranian tourist was killed by an American airstrike in Baghdad on Thursday night, further inflaming relations between the United States and Iran. The strike, which occurred at Baghdad
FORT MEADE, Md. — U.S. CYBERCOM is saying “Watch out, China and Russia!” because the new faces of cyber warfare lethality are hot shots Jeff and Tina, fresh from their
ARLINGTON, Va. – The Pentagon has released the results of an internal investigation into the Department of Defense’s awards process. Most noteworthy, the report found that every single Legion of
BAGHDAD, Iraq — Ohhhh snap, it’s on! Yeah, you heard right. IT. IS. ON! We all done sent the 82 Airborne and they’re ripping into Baghdad to defend freedom,
WASHINGTON — Following calls for revenge after a U.S. strike which killed Iranian General Qassem Soleimani, American defense contractors have promised that no attacks against the U.S. will go
Detroit, Mich. — With the communists in Congress engaged in the worst witch hunt in history, it can seem like loyalty to the President is hard to come by. That’s
WASHINGTON — Lost in the nostalgia of developing an inexplicably useless combat uniform for use in an asinine war that didn’t need to happen during the 2000s, Army leaders are
SHIREMANSTOWN, PA — Amateur national security analyst James Sweeney has some ideas on how the United States should deal with Iran politically and militarily in light of the recent hostilities between
WALTHAM, Mass. — The Raytheon Institute, a bipartisan think tank that specializes in starting Middle Eastern wars, has released a report that estimates the imminent Iran War will be approximately one
TEHRAN — The Iranian government has avenged the recent death of Iranian tourist Qasem Soleimani in an American strike near Baghdad the only way they saw fit: by indulging in the
FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Yaaaaaaaawwwwwwn. Like, oh so you’re Airborne? No. One. Caaaaaares. I was Airborne once. And holy cheese wiz did we sit around a lot and throw
SANTA CLARITA, Calif. — Chris Peterson, CEO of LA Fitness Holdings LLC, publicly apologized for his company’s ill-timed marketing campaign to “draft Americans back into the gym” that resulted in
Oorah! Stand at ease, please! Yeah I know you weren’t at attention, I just wanted to say that so I could feel like a real officer. What are you
2020 is well under way, and the drawdown in the Middle East has reversed course. We now have a whole new brigade of the 82nd Airborne Division deployed, new units
KABUL — The United States has agreed to sign a peace deal with the Taliban so long as the Taliban agrees to maintain a permanent state of war with the United
PENTAGON — Sailors’ waistlines may be expanding, but their increased buoyancy is saving the Defense Department billions of dollars in life-jacket costs, according to a study released by the Navy. The
FORT EUSTIS, Va. — Gen. Paul E. Funk II, the commanding general of Army Training and Doctrine Command, wants TRADOC to join him in Funky Town. “It's on target,
FORT CAMPBELL, Ky. – Second Lt. Miguel Herrera, an infantry platoon leader with A Company, 1st Battalion, 502nd Infantry Regiment, is a man of great confidence but has a growing sense
PYONGYANG — In the face of international sanctions that have hobbled its gasoline-fueled mechanized forces, North Korea has been forced to find innovative ways to maintain its military power. Its ground
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