Fort Bragg, NC — Col. Curtis Pringles has one of the most unique formations across the military, deployed to all corners of the globe conducting all manner of special operations fulfilling sensitive competition lines of effort, and potentially facing down Putin himself.

Despite the heavy burden of Pringles’ command, sources confirm the only concern keeping Pringles up at night is whether men's high and tights are high enough.

"I'm going to be honest. If it were up to me, the women in my formation would also have high and tights," said Pringles.