LYNCHBURG, Va. — A Heritage High School senior in the Marine Corps Delayed Entry Program shredded his contract last week after learning his recruiter could not guarantee that he would get laid in the fleet.

Michael Broeming,18, flipped out after Cpl. Josh Rudd, who was in the office on recruiter's assistance, admitted that ass was not actually a Marine Corps-issued amenity. Sources say Broeming was filled with rage, and he flipped chairs before his paperwork was finally surrendered to him.

“That son-of-a-bitch recruiter had nothing but nudes on his Instagram!” he screamed while Rudd and another Marine attempted to subdue him. “He said there would be so much pussy that I’d spend half my enlistment at BAS getting cortisone shots to numb the cock pain.”