Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, long known for his poor judgment, shocked the world on Monday when it was revealed that he showed poor judgment by texting classified war plans in an unsecured group chat with a reporter from The Atlantic.

“I was shocked when I heard Pete was the source of the Pentagon leaks,” said Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard. “Even the most routine background check shows Pete regularly makes poor decisions, but this time we really thought his poor judgment was limited to excessive emoji use.”

Before being appointed Secretary of Defense, Hegseth demonstrated a clear commitment to poor judgment by making the wrong choice 97% to 99% of the time. For example, Hegseth cheated on multiple wives, including one who demonstrated equally poor judgment by having his child.