The following is an op-ed written by Dr. Melvin Weems, a physician serving at Military Entrance Processing Station Albuquerque, N.M.

Though most people associate serving one's country with being a soldier out on the front line of the battlefield, I'm here to tell you that there are other patriotic Americans, including myself, who have our own unique ways of serving this great nation on a daily basis.

Some people provide comfort to our troops stateside and abroad by volunteering with the USO. Others help out by working with the Wounded Warrior Project, or putting time in at the local VFW. And as for me, I help ensure that our fresh recruits are fit for full duty by observing a seemingly endless parade of exposed anuses here at the Military Entrance Processing Station.

That's right. Each day from 0700 to 1600, I'm ordering hundreds of young men to turn around and spread their cheeks to determine whether their anuses are worthy of military service. It's a job that requires a keen eye for detail, and I can assure you I've evaluated hundreds of thousands of anuses of all shapes, sizes and colors.