WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Coast Guard is in the final stages of awarding a contract for the construction of the Offshore Patrol Cutter (OPC), which will replace the aging Medium Endurance Cutters built during the Great Depression. The contract specifically requires a "better than 50-50 chance" the new cutters will not break in half, according to sources familiar with the RFP.

Analysts predict that the OPC will be no exception to the long list of Coast Guard contracting fiascoes.

"We don't have that DoD money, so we had to cut cost while still keeping our folks safe,'" said Capt. Marsellus Wallace, a spokesperson for the Coast Guard. "Plus, I remember making little tin foil boats in my Naval Engineering classes at the Coast Guard Academy. It's quality material."