An Op-Ed By Staff Sgt. William Tecumseh Charmen, Blue Angel No. 4 Crew Chief

SANTA CLARA, Calif. — America and football go together like burger and cheese, which is why I am pleased to spend my Super Bowl Sunday working on Blue Angel No. 4 instead of attending a Super Bowl party with my family, drinking beer and enjoying the commercials. And unlike the shitbag Guardsmen who will present the colors at the game, my service will be pure, because it doesn’t come with a sideline seat in Levi’s Stadium.

There’s nothing quite so awesome as knowing that you are a part of literally burning more than $24,000 per plane just so fatties with more money than sense and no rooting interest in the game can get a Lee-Greenwoody in their pants for a minute, before going right back to forgetting about the little people like me who do all the work.