Alien Presents F-35 as Proof of Intelligent Life To Homeworld Government
Did you ever actually SEE a debris field?
Jake Slager
October 21, 2023
A Glorpidonian engineer puzzles over airworthiness of the rudimentary F35 Lightning
ANDROMEDA GALAXY — Uproar broke out on planet Glorpidon IV yesterday as an extraglorrestrial visitor to Earth arrived back on his home planet, proudly presenting an F-35 Lightning fighter jet as undeniable proof that intelligent life exists beyond the stars.
The alien, known in his native tongue as Zarblax, claimed to have obtained the state-of-the-art aircraft just lying around during a visit to Earth, an unimpressive planet orbiting Sol in the boonies of the Milky Way.
Zarblax addressed the High Council of Glorpidon IV in a press conference that left planetary leaders both bewildered and skeptical.
"Behold, my fellow citizens. Today I bring you not only proof of semi-intelligent craftsmen nearby, but the pinnacle of their alien military technology!" Zarblax exclaimed, gesticulating dramatically toward the F-35. "While technologically rudimentary and slightly embarrassing, this is the smoking gun you've been waiting for. Proof that we are not alone in this universe!"
Despite the presenter’s palpable enthusiasm, government officials struggled to maintain their composure. One visibly perplexed High Council member questioned whether this device was a truly functional weapon or simply a shoddily crafted mockup designed to confuse onlookers and generate conspiracy theories. Another asked how anyone could be sure this wasn’t created by some inferior animal species who would struggle with cost overruns and technological shortfalls on such a rudimentary piece of junk.
Polls indicate that Glorpidon IV residents remain unconvinced of the F-35’s authenticity.
“Mr. Zarblax seems blinded by his confirmation bias in looking for alien life,” said Strolberth, Son of Blanzmid, a local scholar of extraglorrestrial phenomena. “But his story is full of holes. How could some apes in the next galaxy over be smart enough to create this weapon and also dumb enough to leave it somewhere he could just pluck it off the ground unchallenged? It doesn’t add up. More likely this is just some natural formation of a rogue machine planet again.”
“Zarblax said this is a stealth jet,” said Horgrax of Doogfarth, a high school dropout. “But I can see it just fine. Tells me all I need to know.”
Ultimately, the evidence provided was deemed inconclusive, and the High Council of Glorpidon IV moved on to the next item on the agenda, a presentation on how best to tackle laser gun smuggling to the galaxy’s space-whale poachers.
