By Slab Squatthrust

RESEARCH TRIANGLE PARK, N.C. — The Department of Defense has added “All Else Fails” as a new level to the top of the Operational Risk Management model used for logistical mission planning, sources confirmed today.

The addition follows the publication of a recent study in the Journal of Defense Modeling & Simulation by U.S. Army researchers at North Carolina State University, which found that various missions reach a point of operational stalemate when soldiers feel pressure from leadership to complete the task at all costs, such as winning the war in Afghanistan or eliminating sexual harassment in the military.

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10 months ago · 7 likes · 4 comments · badlawyer

The researchers concluded the addition of the “All Else Fails” level of risk management will allow teams to execute scenarios in a Hail Mary fashion while still following the appropriate procedures set forth by Command.

"This research lays the calculated and operative foundation for a network-based model that allows teams to say “LEEROY JENKINS!” and just get t…