April Fools! Russia admits it may have gone too far in ‘friendly prank’ on Ukraine
Ha. Ha. Ha.
By Jordan Hemlock
MOSCOW – Amid mass arrests on Friday, Russian senior leadership admitted their April Fools prank on Ukraine may have gone too far, but insisted the invasion was “all in good fun.”
“Sadly, we see this a lot,” said Interpol President Ahmed Naser Al-Raisi, referring to Interpol’s annual statistics on April Fools pranks. “A group of friends gets excited about pulling a prank together, inevitably take it too far, and end up committing war crimes.”
Russian Minister of Defense Sergey Shoigu, who was arrested on charges related to the practical joke, insists that Russia did nothing illegal.
“Everyone has those nights where you intend to just have a couple drinks, but then things get wild and you decide to invade Ukraine. There’s nothing wrong with a little friendly ribbing between neighbors.”
Interpol noted that the bulk of the trouble seemed to stem from the fact that many of the pranksters were Russian teenagers who were "not quite in on the joke."Al-Raisi revealed that when this happens, any charges are typically dropped and the pranksters are allowed to call their moms to come pick them up.
Russia’s Chief of General Staff, General Valery Gerasimov, was one of the key instigators of the prank.
“April Fools 2014 really set the tone for us. Dmitry wanted to tinfoil Zelenskyy’s office and Viktoria wanted to annex the Donbas region, but Vlad said, ‘why stop there?’ so we decided to go big this year.”
Some analysts now theorize that the Russian military’s poor performance and complete lack of strategy confirm the Kremlin’s intention for the war to be a prank. If Russia invaded Ukraine as a practical joke, it may have viewed a military strategy as antithetical to the lighthearted destruction of property that is often the cornerstone of April Fools pranks. Recent comments from Gerasimov appear to support this theory.
“Everyone keeps saying that as Russia’s Principal Military General I should’ve had a better strategy for our invasion of Ukraine. I’m not sure what they are referring to – as Prank Master General I am very pleased with our progress.”
“We honestly thought Zelenskyy would take it better – you know, since he’s a comedian,” Shoigu said, concerned that the Ukrainian President had yet to appreciate the joke. “War has really changed him.”
Jordan Hemlock is a Duffel Blog diversity hire, sharing the unsought opinions of a second lieutenant.