By BYOBooyah

FORT HOOD, Texas — Amid the ongoing political turmoil surrounding the repeal of Roe v. Wade and expansion of gun laws, sources confirm that you accidentally loitered outside the Chaplain’s office and he now wants to chat. Not only does he want to have a conversation but he is clearly waiting to unload some talking points after opening by asking, “Seen the news lately?”

Later review with peers will outline that anger over a leave request currently lost somewhere in the S1 multiverse of madness was a significant contributing factor to this incident. Your anger lured you into making an in-person trip to Battalion Headquarters despite that always being a mistake.

Your errors were further compounded when, while waiting for the S1 NCOIC to finish a 20+ minute afternoon dump, you chose to loiter in the hallway directly adjacent to the Chaplain’s office.

“This is entirely on you,” Spc. Mike Skates, a close friend and frequent barracks smoke pit resident, will later state. “Looking bored within 150 yards of any Chaplain is literally asking to have an uncomfortable conversation.”