Fort Cavazos soldier discovers body while dumpster diving for food
Upside alert! Decomposing corpses are an appetite suppressant!
Ft. Cavazos: Come for the food scraps, stay for the murder investigations!
FORT CAVAZOS, Tx — A young soldier searching for food scraps in a dumpster behind a now-shuttered on-post McDonald’s recently made a grisly discovery. PFC Yan Bing was licking crumbs from the bottom of a bag of “SunChips” when he grabbed a pizza box in hopes of finding a moldy crust and instead exposed the remains of a young woman.
“I haven’t eaten in about three days,” said a visibly emaciated Bing. “But I guess if I am looking on the bright side, finding a dead girl in the trash really makes you lose your appetite.”
The young woman's identity has yet to be determined, but Fort Cavazos officials say a running list of missing female soldiers assigned to the post should help leadership narrow down their search. Cavazos Spokesman Maj. Larry Upchurch said, “We ask for patience and understanding from the public. We are dealing with a voluminous list and we’re going to need some forensic analysis to narrow the possibilities to a manageable pool of names.”
A nearby MP was heard to mutter, “Jesus! Really, another one? We’re all going to burn in hell.”
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