WASHINGTON D.C. — President Joe Biden abruptly excused himself from a Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency (CISA) decision brief on Monday morning to call his grandkids from the hallway to ask what cyber-measures should be employed against Russia, sources confirmed today.

“Hey, Natalie, how’s it going? How’s soccer going? Yeah, that’s really swell, listen, do you know what a JPEG is?” Biden asked in a whisper.

Director Jen Easterly, the head of CISA, said she was sympathetic to the President’s current situation.

“Look, cyber is esoteric and hard. The majority of the leadership in this country doesn’t know how to set up two-factor authentication, let alone direct the offensive cyber-units,” Easterly said.