By Grumpy

A pleasant and informative Command and General Staff College two-day “staff ride” to the Gettysburg National Battlefield came to a sad end Sunday after trip leaders were forced to cancel a planned ice cream treat to wrap up the visit.

“The battlefield study was going fine until one of the majors found out General Sherman's Sherbet was closed due to fire damage,” a CGSC professor told reporters. “Then they all started crying and talking about branch plans.”

Soldiers had been reluctant to commit to the trip from their classrooms at CGSC at Fort Leavenworth, Kansas, complaining that Gettysburg is “too far,” and “We’ll spend the whole time on buses and airplanes.” One student complained he had a soccer tournament on Saturday morning.

“Major Johnson got carsick on the last staff ride!” one soldier complained. "Did not!" Johnson responded. “It was the huevos rancheros from that Alamo food truck that did it.”

“It's soooooooooo faaaaaaaarrr,” added Maj. Annie Newburg. “So. Far.”

Eventually, instructors promised that if everyone would just stop whining and try to enjoy themselves, they could all stop for two scoops of ice cream a piece at General Sherman's Sherbet on Sunday evening. The soldiers agreed, reluctantly at first, but then with gusto once Maj. (Promotable) Robbie Washington — who is lactose intolerant — agreed to stick to dairy-free options.

Professor James Jorgenson said the trip went really well throughout the day on Saturday and Sunday.

“We only had to separate the armor people from the infantry a couple of times, and logistics guys for once weren't fake coughing to say ‘Ukraine!’ the whole time,” Jorgenson said. "We even got past the argument about watching ‘Glory’ on the bus for the thousandth time, once everyone agreed to watch ‘Band of Brothers.’ But only the first two episodes.”