Stuart Scheller to regain credibility with appearance on Tucker Carlson
This should fix everything.
By RED Friday
Marine Lt. Col. Stuart Scheller, who was discharged for making videos publicly questioning his chain of command while in uniform, has announced he will rebuild his credibility by appearing on Tucker Carlson this week.
“Lt. Col. Stuart Scheller is excited for the opportunity to clear his good name while capitalizing on his newfound fame and fundraising opportunities,” according to a press release announcing the interview from the BoyDidIFuckUpMyRetirement Foundation, a non-profit established on Scheller’s behalf.
The delusional whackjob that nobody takes seriously is scheduled to interview Scheller on January 4th.
“Tucker Carlson has a deep respect for the military,” said Fox News spokesman Kayleigh McEnany. “From calling for the genocide of all Iranians to deeply sympathizing with guests that women and gays are ruining the military, Tucker has been Fox News’ most insightful pundit on all military matters. Plus all our military commentators with actual service experience have quit.”
Scheller first made headlines after posting a poignant video questioning the abrupt withdrawal from Afghanistan. After being relieved of command, Scheller continued to post videos that increasingly resembled Walmart parking lot truck rants, claiming he would tear down the system. Scheller remained vague on exactly how or what tearing down the system would look like.
Scheller was eventually discharged and is now starting his new career of popping up on Fox News to discuss matters he doesn’t understand alongside any D-list actors who vote Republican.
“I served with Stuart and he had some legitimate gripes with the system,” said Maj. Derek Jones. “But every officer knows that if you see something wrong you keep your head down and wait until retirement, then release a book nobody wants to read. That’s the hallmark of a true leader.”
At press time, Scheller was deciding between a run for political office or launching a line of fitness supplements with the two million dollars in donations he collected.
RED Friday wants you to remember EVERYONE deployed.