KABUL, Afghanistan — Contingent upon payment of shipping and a small handling fee, The Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan announced a military donation of fifty Mine-Resistant, Ambush Protected (MRAP) vehicles and the entirety of Bagram Air Base to the Armed Forces of Ukraine in support for their fight against the Russian Armed Forces.

Referencing the hard-fought war against the former Soviet Union from 1979-1989 in explaining the surprising donation of military hardware to a nation most Afghans don’t even know exists, Spokesman Zabihullah Mujahid said, “The enemy of our enemy is our friend. Unless it’s the Wagner Group. Or maybe them too. I mean, who really knows?”

Mujahid admitted The Taliban are still trying to work through the “whole enemy of my enemy thing” as regards the United States too since the US was once their friend in the fight against the Russians, but then wasn’t, and now might be a little bit if they’re fighting the Iranians. Pressed for details, Mujahid shrugged his shoulders and said, “Meh,” while making the kinda-sorta wave with his hand.

Queried as to why the Taliban would give away valuable equipment, spokesman Mujahid shrugged and said, “Most of us can’t drive anything larger than a Honda 150, and besides we ran out of petrol two months ago.” Declaring the MRAPs “as is,” Mujahid said, “To my knowledge, they all ran when we got them in August 2021 and most still have all their tires. We had to move a couple of families out of some of them though so I’m not making any promises about cleanliness.”