WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump said today that he could have negotiated a better deal for those who paid the ultimate price, following up on a tweet earlier this week for Memorial Day in which he speculated that America's dead veterans would be incredibly proud of his accomplishments while in office.
"Those who paid the ultimate price must have signed a dumb contract," Trump wrote in a tweet. "They apparently never read Art of the Deal — best book ever! Paying too much always a bad deal for Americans, Trump would negotiate better!"
Sources confirmed that Defense Secretary Jim Mattis rushed to the White House to try and explain that the phrase “paying the ultimate price” was not a reference to a business transaction, but rather it is a metaphor for those in the military who die in combat in defense of the United States.
Still, the explanation further confused the president, as he was unfamiliar with the term metaphor, believing it to be another way of yelling "fore" on the golf course.
"These hands can drive a golf ball 285 yards," Trump said, according to two sources present. "I play with Tom Brady you know, he’s a champion, I like winners, Trump is a winner.”
At press time, Chairman Gen. Joseph Dunford was meeting with the president to explain the difference between Army Rangers and the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, although that conversation was derailed when Trump demanded to know when Mike Sorrentino from Jersey Shore was going to show up in “The Situation” room.