FLAVORTOWN — President Donald Trump officially nominated Guy Fieri to fill the new post of Chairman of the Joint Chefs, the White house reported today. "I was speaking with my
WASHINGTON — The Pentagon approved $157 million in modernization costs to make the aging RGM-84 Harpoon missile system yell "DJ Khaled!" before impacting its target, sources report. In what
FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Billy, 6, is an old soul with the wherewithal to call it like he sees it. Recently, he has taken to calling recess his "deployments
DOHA, Qatar — U.S. representatives in continuing talks with the Taliban are confident of finally achieving the illusion of victory in Afghanistan, sources say. Top American negotiator Charles “Charlie” Brown
ENFIELD, Conn. — The LEGO Group has announced a new unlimited edition LEGO set to be released later this year commemorating the conflict in Afghanistan, also known as The Forever War.
HONOLULU, Hawaii — Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard (D-HI) was surprised with deployment orders to Antarctica earlier today, her presidential campaign confirmed. The Democratic presidential candidate has been a unique critical voice against
NEW YORK — The Department of Veterans Affairs breathed a collective sigh of relief after the Metropolitan Correctional Center in New York was named the absolute worst suicide prevention program in
KABUL, Afghanistan – Onlookers were stunned today when Capt. Chad McCarthy, an officer with 4th Psychological Operations Group, provided a realistic capability brief to the task force command and staff to
RAQQA, Syria — The Islamic State (ISIS) has announced it will be retiring it aging fleet of Toyota Hilux "Technicals," which have carried Jihad across the middle east for
KABUL – US Gen. Scott Miller, Commander of the international coalition in Afghanistan, expressed confusion in the wake of the latest bombing in Farah province, which destroyed a bus and killed
WASHINGTON — In his first week as Army Chief of Staff, General James C. McConville emailed a letter to the force outlining his humble suggestion that the army #TryWinning sometime, just
GREENVILLE, S.C. –Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.) released a video statement on YouTube today in which he assured voters he would stay in Afghanistan and fight the Taliban after
THE PENTAGON -- Command Sgt. Maj. Michael A. Grinston, the 16th Sgt. Maj. of the Army, told Army Chief of Staff James C. McConville that he’ll “never make it
SOMEWHERE IN SYRIA -- The Islamic State will soon be appointed to head the United Nations subcommittee tasked with abolishing slavery worldwide, according to several people familiar with the matter.
FORT CAMPBELL, Ky. – Specialist Kenny Zweitbester, an infantryman assigned to 3rd Brigade, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), has not skipped leg day since he arrived at the unit nearly two
JOINT BASE LANGLEY-EUSTIS, Va. – Gen. John “Mike” Murray pinned the Bronze Star Medal with “snake eyes” device on Major Dennis Klinefelter today for conspicuous gallantry in the face of overwhelming
THE PENTAGON — Some shitbag colonel working at the Pentagon forgot to make coffee and vacuum the floor before leaving work yesterday, sources have confirmed. Marking yet another fuck-up since he
FORT LEAVENWORTH, Kan. — The US Navy has decided to get in front of some of the SEAL controversies by relocating BUD/S to Fort Leavenworth, home of the Army'
FORT KNOX, Ky. — Facing a downward trend in recruiting numbers, the U.S. armed forces have partnered with Amazon to create the new "1-Click Enlistment" program, allowing high
WASHINGTON — Acting Deputy Defense Secretary Marie Kondo has issued a suggestion for the American people: Thank veterans for the joy they brought them before ultimately discarding them. Popular Japanese minimalist
THE PENTAGON — Starting in fiscal year 2021, the Department of Defense will reduce waste. by banning all single-use plastic explosives. "I directed this policy change after reading a shocking
FORT BENNING, Ga. – Trigger, a military working dog assigned to the 127th Military Police Company, shocked his handlers by coming back from his last deployment with a necklace of enemy
WASHINGTON — A new superweapon being developed by the Pentagon is set to be the first ever weapon able to spread jobs simultaneously throughout all 435 congressional districts. The most lethal
TWENTYNINE PALMS, Calif. — Multiple eyewitnesses have reported that Sgt. Maj. Shawn DeWitt, a divorced 37 year-old with two children, grew visibly upset at the sight of another adult male without
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