SHAW AFB, S.C. — Hey, yo Colonel, I'm real happy for you, and I'm gonna let you finish your safety brief, but I wanted to say
THE BAD PLACE — We knew Janet was too good to be true when she welcomed us at Fort Hood’s reception area. If only we were more perceptive, we would
In an act of solidarity with self-avowed super SEAL Rob O'Neill, members of the elite SEAL Team 6 said today they would no longer wear body armor since
THE PENTAGON — A toxic Air Force colonel who had previously berated her Wing subordinates to the point they would crawl under their desks and cry has been promoted to a
THE PENTAGRAM — During a Friday press conference, Gen. John W. "Jay" Raymond announced the selection of the Tardigrade as the official Space Force mascot. "Much like the
FORT CAMPBELL, Ky. — Following a recent deployment to Afghanistan plagued by low morale and “low energy,” soldiers from the 504th Military Police Battalion came together this week to watch the
CHARLESTON, W.V. — Less than a year after separating from the Army as a first lieutenant, Daniel Cummings has found himself sleeping on the streets of West Virginia under a
BOSTON, Mass. — Biblical scholars at the Boston University School of Theology made a momentous announcement earlier today: King David of Bethlehem, the ancestor of Jesus Christ known for slaying the
FORT SAM HOUSTON, Texas — Everyone in the United States was shocked overnight to learn that U.S. Army North is actually nowhere near Canada, according to sources who are terrified
JOINT BASE LEWIS-MCCHORD, Washington – Specialist Michael Webb elected to remain on post this past weekend rather than attend a protest in nearby Seattle citing concerns over police violence towards minorities.
THE PENTAGON — A leaked intelligence report has revealed that the much vaunted "near-peer threat" the Defense Department has been preparing to do battle with is, in fact, just
WASHINGTON – Breaking with his peers and the entire history of the Defense Department, the Chief of Staff of the Army said today that the service is in absolutely, perfectly great
KENOSHA, Wis. — Members of the Wisconsin National Guard say that they never truly appreciated the beauty of the city of Kenosha until they saw it burning to the ground. The
FORT CARSON, Co. — Sgt. First Class Ted Carmichael is facing UCMJ discipline after being caught field stripping for cash tips during his battalion’s 3rd quarter field training exercise. Class
WASHINGTON DC — A Coast Guard spokesperson has admitted that after the USCGC Kimball was forced to fire on a shark during the crew’s swim call, the service has told
FORT STEWART, Ga. — In the wake of his TikTok video that went viral for an anti-Semitic joke, 2nd Lt. Norton Friedheim has fallen under the spot light of every echelon
WASHINGTON — The Defense Secretary on Tuesday ordered the Army-Navy Game renamed to Suckers vs. Losers Bowl in order to better reflect White House policy changes toward the military. “President Donald
WASHINGTON — Americans everywhere are condemning President Donald Trump for allegedly calling dead American soldiers "suckers" and "losers" in 2018, publicly voicing opinions of contempt for the
FORT HOOD, Texas — Following the announcement that the U.S. Army had removed Maj. Gen. Scott Efflandt from command of Fort Hood, sources report that leading up to this action
CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — A Force Recon Marine has recently published his first tell-all coloring book, according to sources at both Chuck E. Cheese and Books-a-Billion in nearby Jacksonville. Speaking
WINTERFELL, Westeros — "Gather round warriors of Winterfell and prepare for the brief of safety to be given by our beloved Hodor" said Arya Stark, as the first snow
KILLEEN, Texas — After a week of beta testing, the Army's E-Sports gaming team has reported that the Fort Hood version of the newest installment of the wildly popular
THE PENTAGON -- Army leaders announced the introduction of a new physical fitness test that measures resilience and muscular endurance by testing how much pain a soldier can feel over
TED”S ROOT CELLAR — The System of Humans In The Anti-Illuminati Militia concluded an inspection of a remote SCIF in Florida designed to keep out the NSA, Bigfoot, JFK'
ARLINGTON, Va. — Whoa. We knew the military made mistakes from time to time, but we never thought it could gaff up quite like this. When coworkers found this lifeless corpse
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