Rubbers. Too many times I avoided the use of a prophylactic. What else can I say about this? The truth? The truth is that the first time you get The Clap is one of the most unnerving experiences of your young adult life.

There was a time when I was young and stories didn’t much matter to me — of course, today is as good a day as any to talk about those old days; halcyon as they were.

All said, there are and have been moments throughout this life where my ability to ignore sanity for the sake of a good time has been legendary. You don’t go through a life with a name like Chadwick Foreshadow and expect to be considered any type of normal. Normal and I are estranged.

The second time I got The Clap was while on a trip through Bangor, Maine. In those days, Bangor was on the up and up as a factory town. Industrial enough to keep some around, but not always.

Can’t say much about the woman I was with back then. There were rumors about her, but I didn’t much mind. She wasn’t going to be my wife. At least, that’s what I told myself. We were along for the ride.

If you ever get an opportunity to avoid The Clap, I would encourage you do so.

Because the sensations are otherworldly. The discharge. Burning. Sensations. Standing above a toilet that should be filled yellow that isn’t filled with much else besides milk. And when the liquid does manifest, it feels as if it is being accompanied by the tentacles of a creation outside of our known universe.

Drugs were most often my catalyst. Can’t say I’m proud of those days, and if I could make a suggestion I’d say to avoid most of the drugs running through your mind right now. The powders, syringes, ground up leaves and chemically sprayed potpourri from the depths of Hell. Have you seen the briefings and the pictures of what these things can do to a man’s testicles if used improperly?

I have.