Chimp hanging upside down from lectern named new Pentagon spokesman
Banana tariffs, China, and showing his butt top agenda for new flack
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The Pentagon
Five sides, zero accountability
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Pete Hegseth thrown onto court at WNBA game
Police officer removes SECDEF using towel and rubber gloves
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DOGE vows to reduce Pentagon to Triangle
"The DoD is no longer an oversized bureaucracy. Instead, it will be an obtuse bureaucracy with sharp angles.”
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Mattis emerges from time machine, horrified to learn Pete Hegseth is SecDef
General returns to find ICE in museums, POWs in Ukraine, and the Constitution on vacation.
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members
8 tattoos you can get under new Hegseth policy
Good news: Tattoos of Pete Hegseth depicted “in the Greek Style” are now allowed.
5 min read
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Iran rebranded 'Pepsistan' in new Pepsi-Pentagon strategic partnership
U.S. military now powered by freedom, capitalism, and high-fructose corn syrup
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US accidentally re-invades Iraq
Troops surprised to find old combat outposts still smell like Axe body spray
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US 'far behind in capabilities' being sold by retired general
The retired officer says that America is woefully under-resourced in a defense technology capability that is only sold by his company.
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The Atlantic: Please remove us from this distro
The publication's editor was added to another Signal chat called "Joint Ops Bantz 🔥💥🚀 (NO FOREIGN)"
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Hegseth budget plan just stick figure with huge tits
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Hegseth thinking that DEI Coordinator job at National Guard Bureau looks pretty sweet right now
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Hegseth congratulates historic last ever female to complete Best Ranger competition
"I’ve personally fired every female commander I can find, and now one has completed Best Ranger?”
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Leaked: Hegseth’s plan to 'de-gay' the military
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Trade Wars Service Medal delayed by China tariffs
"The supplier increased the cost by 145%."
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Pentagon removes 54th Massachusetts from Army records as 'DEI hires'
"Recruiting an entire regiment based only on skin color? What were we thinking?”
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DoD establishes strategic porn reserve after Canada threatens to disable PornHub
Now our warfighters won’t lose access to the lube that keeps the Defense Department grinding.
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Pentagon renames Fort Campbell after the soup
"Remember that we are Army Strong, and we are Mmm Mmm Good.”
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Citing DEI, Pentagon ends special treatment of black mold in barracks
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Hegseth punishes himself with extra set of 47 pushups for leaking war plans
"Accountability has been my watchword from day one, and my little boo-boo is no exception,” he said.
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